The Ugly Step-sister Syndrome

When folks speak of the “princess complex” or “Cinderella complex”, I don’t get it. I was never a princess, never wore a tiara, and pink was not my favorite color.

Maybe because of this, I never expected to be a Cinderella in God’s eyes either. My faith was too weak, my sins too many, and my concept of God’s love too puny. I was God’s Ugly Step-sister, not His princess.

It took a crisis to change some of this for me. My personal disaster was a long, painful struggle with infertility. I won’t bother with all the details, but it was about seven years and many tests before a Christian doctor finally told us the truth: you’ll probably never have children.

This blow hit us especially hard since our lives revolved around children on the mission field. We did hard core Sunday school before we ever left for Bolivia, having kids from low rental areas in our home for a meal and taking them on picnics and hikes in a national park area. Then our labors in the mission field focused on something like a year-round Vacation Bible School. Kids all the time, everywhere.

But none of our own.

This ugly step-sister spilled many tears and concealed many painful welts on her heart. But somehow such pain wasn’t a surprise to me. I wasn’t God’s Cinderella anyway.

At least I wasn’t until God met me one day when I was alone in a tiny apartment in Ottawa, Canada. The apartment wasn’t even our own. Someone kindly allowed us to stay there during a trip home from Bolivia.

I read an old hymn, written by Marianne Nunn back in the 1800’s, and God not only healed my heart, but transformed my thoughts about His love. The words were simple, but covered me like a healing balm.

We have found a friend in Jesus—

O How He loves!

‘Tis His great delight to bless us—

O How He loves!

Stop right there. He delights to bless us? God is looking down from heaven at me, not with a rod ready for judgment for my failures, but in delight? He’s eager to bless? A whole new concept flowed in.

Pink still isn’t my favorite color, and I’ve yet to wear a tiara. On the outside, I’ll never be a princess, but the knowledge that my Father sits in heaven looking down on me with delight has transformed me into a Christian Cinderella. If it wasn’t a bit irreverent to suggest such a thing, I’d insist that God’s winks at me when I glance into His face.

Angela Thomas captures this in essence in her chapter “His Beautiful Bride”.

We at Road Ministries pray that you too will have a moment when God reveals that you are His princess.

I can see you now wearing a tiara in God's eyes. Watch for that wink.

Beauty for Ashes

One of the errands my son never minded was a stop by the bank. The nice lady behind the big desk always gave him a sucker—and usually one for mommy, too. One visit, my little sugar junky had that baby unwrapped and slimy before we got out the door.

We wound our way through the landscaped grounds toward our car, and my son, spinning his treat like a propeller, sent it flying into a mound of mulch. Before I could stop him he grabbed the lollipop and aimed it toward his sticky little mouth. The big problem was it was covered with trash—bits of bark, dirt, a cigarette butt, and in my eyes, so many germs I could almost see them.

I did the only thing I could think of. I yelled “No” and told shocked and sad son that he couldn’t eat the sucker, that it was gross now, that our family was against the eating of trash. He disagreed and proceeded to try to pick the morsels of litter off his treat. I grabbed for it unsuccessfully. Then I remembered the sucker the teller had given me. When I offered the nice, new candy in place of his yucky one, at first he refused.

It was only after I pried the sticky mess out of his hand that I made the switch. Why in the world would my little guy refuse such an awesome trade? Why in the world do I? My life has been dragged through worse refuse than any public flower bed, and God offers me a new one. The Bible says He gives beauty for ashes. Why do I insist on carrying around this bag of ashes, this slimy, germ-infested sucker?

Angela Thomas encourages us to take the Lord up on His offer to make all things new, to take the messes of our lives and replace them with glory.

All we have to do is let go………

Chapter 9: A Perfect Love
Blog Response by Melodie Fleming

On paper, my husband is everything a girl could want in a guy. Tall, handsome, tender, faithful, committed to Christ, does his own laundry, and likes to cook. What more could I ask for? Well, I’ve found it’s possible to ask and ask and ask!

Am I usually demanding? Perhaps, but I don’t think so. In fact, I’m probably relatively low maintenance.

So, what’s the problem? Simple. I’m a needy sinner who’s married to another needy sinner. I will always want more than he can give. He will always want to give less than he can. At our core, we are basically all about ourselves.

But even if Tom gave me everything I could possibly demand, it still wouldn’t be enough. Why? By virtue of his humanity, he isn’t capable of giving me the thing I most desire: Perfect Love.

In “His Perfect Love” (Chapter 9 of Do You Think I’m Beautiful), Angela Thomas describes the role fear can play in a woman’s life. “Fear plays with your head, rips out your heart, and empties the soul of strength and determination and will.” (p159)

The fearful woman, says Angela, becomes unstable, needy, self-absorbed, focused upon what others think, controlling, empty, and possibly even depressed. What is she afraid of? Change. Pain. Heartache. Loneliness. Failure. Disappointment. Rejection. To name a few.

Is there hope? Yes. She has a hero named Perfect Love. He drives away fear. His is the gentle, confident voice that invites her to dance. She won’t find complete satisfaction in her husband, her children, her job, or her accomplishments. But she will hope at the foot of a cross and in the arms of a constant spiritual embrace.

“To be free of the fear that grips our souls is to remain desperate for the intimacy of God.” (p168)

Desperation can be the bridge that takes us to place where joy is born.

When Life Just Keeps Coming at Us...

I've decided that the only ones in the world who haven't experienced times when life keeps giving you blow upon blow are the young. And even some of them have faced it.

We jokingly call some days Murphy's Law--the day the plumbing backs up, the baby's sick, and you burn the rice. But when life's true hurricanes hit, there's no laughing over it. Those times when you get "the call." The malignant tumor, the death of a young mother, the son who has chosen a wayward lifestyle, the betrayal of a loved one.

These are the times that when our heart feels heavier than the rest of our body, or as one of my friends recently put it, "a black fog" settles over us. Maybe times when we'd like to scream, "No, God, stop this now!" Or times when death has given a final answer we didn't want.

What can we do when life just keeps coming at us? In chapter 8 of "Do You Think I'm Beautiful, Angela Thomas tells us that God gives one answer only. "Be Still and know that I am God." The answer is enough. It's up-to-date. It works.

Casting our care upon God, being still in His presence, and trusting that He is still God, on His throne in the heavens, will give birth to Hope. It may be a tiny gleam at first, but Hope is the one thing the human heart cannot live without. We need to know that God can still provide. He can still heal. He can still restore. We need Hope.

Our God is called The God of Hope. I'm so thankful He has that name because when life just keep coming at us, sometimes the Hope we have in Him is all we have at all.

A Desperate and Pursuing Heart

Truth.
What do we really want? What are we willing to do to get it?

If you saw me this morning—church clothes, fixed hair, Bible in hand, you might have thought, “Wow, she’s got it together.” And I would let you think that. Nobody wants to hear our fears and pains and doubts during worship. The farther I run away from the truth of who I am, though, the farther I am from the loving embrace of my Heavenly Father.

So, if you saw me this morning, the woman you really saw can’t stop thinking about the mass the radiologist flagged on her breast sonogram and the appointment she has with the surgeon. You saw a woman who may be facing her second bout with crippling anxiety that is only controlled with medication, even after hours of prayer and meditation on Scripture. You saw a woman who struggles with trusting God and His plan for her.

There—truth. What was hiding behind your smile this morning? As ugly as all the stuff we try to deny about ourselves is, it is that woman the Lord longs to be with. The perfect church lady doesn’t need Him. He wants the broken, desperate woman who knows she has nowhere else to go to be safe and whole but the arms of her Savior.

Do we want that relationship where we can be cradled in His perfect, strong, loving arms? Are we willing to leave the pretense behind and run toward the Lord like a crazy, starving woman?

Angela Thomas encourages us to live in the truth of who we are and experience the comfort that comes from letting go off our phony self-dependence and clawing our way to the One who calls us to come just as we are.

Chapter 6: Sometimes the Prodigal, Sometimes the Elder Brother

Chapter 6: Sometimes the Prodigal, Sometimes the Elder Brother

A Response By Melodie Fleming

Some sins are more obvious than others, but which ones bother God the most?

In the book of Luke, the Bible records a story Jesus told to a group of preachers. A young man rebelled against his father, took the family fortune, left home, and squandered his inheritance on sinful living. After losing everything, he worked as a farmhand in order to survive. He became so destitute that he actually longed for the slop he was feeding to the pigs! So, he repented, went home, and begged for his father’s forgiveness.

When the father saw his prodigal son returning home, he ran to meet him, hugged him, and threw a party. Perhaps they would have lived happily ever after, but there was a problem. The elder brother didn’t feel like partying. He’d been working hard in the fields for years. Why should he celebrate his brother’s return?

I wonder which child grieved the father’s heart more?

Most people focus on the relationship between the prodigal and the father in this story, and for good reason. There’s much to ponder. The father let his son choose his own path. He allowed him to learn from his mistakes. He longed for his child’s return and accepted him without judgment. He rejoiced without lamenting the losses his son had cost him.

But Jesus didn’t tell this story to a group of prodigals. He told it to a group of preachers. Jesus had been hanging out with the prodigals. He loved them, accepted them, forgave them, and taught them. The neighborhood clergymen didn’t like it. They felt a righteous man wouldn’t spend so much time hanging out with sinners. Jesus told the story to help them see themselves…as elder brothers.

Angela Thomas points out that we Christians often find ourselves in either position. Sometimes, we are aware of our sin. We see our rebellion, bitterness, jealousy, or moral failures for what they are. We take our shame to the Heavenly Father. We throw ourselves on his mercy. He forgives us.

Sometimes, though, we are convinced that we are more worthy of God’s love than other people. We don’t see our self-righteousness, judgmentalism, legalism, and self-satisfaction as serious sin. We think we are better than other kinds of sinners and trade in celebrations for pity parties.

The solution for the prodigal and for the elder brother is the same: repentance. When we come as little children before the Grand Emperor of the Universe, we will be too humble to think ourselves better than anyone else, too uninhibited to let our shame stop us from throwing ourselves at his feet, and too forgiven to think twice about letting him draw us up into his lap.

Praise God! He is a Father who forgives prodigals and elder brothers alike!

Chapter 6: Sometimes the Prodigal, Sometimes the Elder Brother
A Response By Melodie Fleming

Some sins are more obvious than others, but which ones bother God the most?

In the book of Luke, the Bible records a story Jesus told to a group of preachers. A young man rebelled against his father, took the family fortune, left home, and squandered his inheritance on sinful living. After losing everything, he worked as a farmhand in order to survive. He became so destitute that he actually longed for the slop he was feeding to the pigs! So, he repented, went home, and begged for his father’s forgiveness.

When the father saw his prodigal son returning home, he ran to meet him, hugged him, and threw a party. Perhaps they would have lived happily ever after, but there was a problem. The elder brother didn’t feel like partying. He’d been working hard in the fields for years. Why should he celebrate his brother’s return?

I wonder which child grieved the father’s heart more?

Most people focus on the relationship between the prodigal and the father in this story, and for good reason. There’s much to ponder. The father let his son choose his own path. He allowed him to learn from his mistakes. He longed for his child’s return and accepted him without judgment. He rejoiced without lamenting the losses his son had cost him.

But Jesus didn’t tell this story to a group of prodigals. He told it to a group of preachers. Jesus had been hanging out with the prodigals. He loved them, accepted them, forgave them, and taught them. The neighborhood clergymen didn’t like it. They felt a righteous man wouldn’t spend so much time hanging out with sinners. Jesus told the story to help them see themselves…as elder brothers.

Angela Thomas points out that we Christians often find ourselves in either position. Sometimes, we are aware of our sin. We see our rebellion, bitterness, jealousy, or moral failures for what they are. We take our shame to the Heavenly Father. We throw ourselves on his mercy. He forgives us.

Sometimes, though, we are convinced that we are more worthy of God’s love than other people. We don’t see our self-righteousness, judgmentalism, legalism, and self-satisfaction as serious sin. We think we are better than other kinds of sinners and trade in celebrations for pity parties.

The solution for the prodigal and for the elder brother is the same: repentance. When we come as little children before the Grand Emperor of the Universe, we will be too humble to think ourselves better than anyone else, too uninhibited to let our shame stop us from throwing ourselves at his feet, and too forgiven to think twice about letting him draw us up into his lap.

Praise God! He is a Father who forgives prodigals and elder brothers alike